Saturday, October 29, 2005

bad photo of 'hey baby'

what the fuck
i thought there was something good
i never tried hard enough
i guess
man what the fucking hell
shit you fucking
i guess i never made it
i probably didnt try my fucking best
everyone knows they know better
gate keepers
their little legs,
kept me in technically
a better place.

and as a i try to express this
a compiled program crashes
just let me know how much i don't care.

you probably still run windows, or apple
how great of you to try so hard,

for a moment i can enjoy actors,
that's bigender you fag
get over yourself
everyone's beautiful
or fired,
slave, even then
what the fuck.

vodka laced with fake sugar
and kits
no, lots of laughs
the hick ups
gotta piss
thank me latter,
with all that fucking
cake on the wall,

lick both their fucking pussies,
can you believe it?
i wonder what they're like

and suck cock
drink dick
some other time

these two girls
are gorgeous
what more can be said?

lots more vodka,
they're not here
it's all imagination
at this point.

and on an unrelated tone
stop calling me fat
you bitch
drunk bitch
you did it in a doorway
fuck off,
i was twelve
smoke your crate and go to hell
or get better
your son needed you
twelve years ago.

but this is a bad poem
for you,
cause i want you
and i don't know how to say it
when you're miles away
the relationship is mostly impossible
and i'm just going to go autopiliot
with a fantasy the size of the universe
baby, yeah.

'bad photo, bad poem, right now a feeling of two people i love'

Friday, October 28, 2005


This is kind of how I'm feeling.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

corners m.

The feeling that I just had to
throw up on you
and throw up inside of you
with a pair of shorts on.

You sent me postcards, artcards,
birthday cards.

Not that it really matters now,
since I wasn't even thinking of you.

I was thinking of the little legs in the shorts
and the legs coming out of them,
and how that seemed fast.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

seven p. x.

Perspects, well, yeah I knew that. But I'm also into loving people beyond their religion, and their superficial reactions, no matter how much temporary harm they may cause. Okay maybe I'm not into that but I do love L., a lot.

On the one hand, I really do not think a religion relates much to a person that follows it, beyond certain attitudes that crop up and certain states of being. Especially as a kid one is still independent of the whole thing, whereas as an adult the detachment might be more subsurface. Moreover my feeling is that a religion is a projection and tool of how that person already feels, not the other way around.

Personally I am more interested in the experience rather than the constant association, though at the moment I am a practicing Taoist. And beyond that I am more interested in the person then their religion.

As to Christians and their beliefs relating to the afterlife, well I think that it's not really the idea of eternity being spent in heaven around other Christians being an ideal, but rather more a sense of if you drop a rock it will fall kind of thing. Their belief being that they are the dropped rocks falling in God's creation. But of course you knew that too.

And thanks for giving me some feedback, it made posting something today a lot nicer.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

individual one (possible collusional antidote)

Is it more important that I write about people I'm attracted to, and things I like, or to write about how people I know worship others as gods? Non-sexual mostly, that last one. The separation of an individual from those around him, is very important. One should strive for spontaneity, even if one ends up wearing a t-shirt proclaiming 'autism'.

I dreamt last night that I was making a movie, directing a large set of people, test shots developed through q-tips in locker rooms. You had to shake the q-tip and it was covered in melting wax and it would either turn into a photo or fuse up and smoke out. Some claymation sections. Plot was something revolutionary on the common.

Second dream was in a wasteland of mall ruins and metal. Storms and green lightning, purple skies. Aliens, yes. An industrial wasteland along the collapsed malls, all on oceanside cliffs. Ruins of factories, stores, concrete and metal. Climbing down the side of cliff, storms overhead, black skies green lighting. Out from the parking lot to this cliff, and down. A hunt was on, everything was upon this moment. And there was Mulder, two Mulders. As I climbed down I could see them both below amongst another set of commercial building leftovers. One of them was the beast we had to kill. "You're my nigga Mulder!" I called out. "Yeah I'm ya nigga!" So I knew that one was the fake, I killed him with a spear technology thing, he faded away to a card on the ground, which blinked and the information it had was frightening.

Last weekend after the wedding breakfast, a woman tells me about heaven, and how it will be built on earth. I respect her faith, but personally I believe there is no heaven or hell or afterlife really. I think that consciousness is an aftereffect of a living body and when it dies so do "you". However, I do feel there is something after death, and this relates to a more mystic, spiritual concept I have, a faith in the individuals spirit and the noosphere.

Of course that woman's husband had just died. I don't give condolences, I feel it's wrong.

Thinking of her, and this otherwise larger outside family, and how I saw others I do know look up to them as if they were gods. I saw a girl at the library today, well a young woman, perhaps Japanese, anyway she was fantastic, strong, brilliant. But as the time passed my desire for her became seemingly whole and then as I observed her for a second from another perspective, the place where those feelings occupied was empty. Not that I didn't suddenly talk to her, which I wanted to. She was tutoring someone. I was tutoring too, in a way. I couldn't tell how old she was, I think it was a possible controversy, that was my mental excuse. She could of been my age though. Who cares at this point?

I checked out books on a variety of things, one of which was the Oxford book on Shinto. Two friends of my brother are in conflict over religion. One comes from a fundametalist background, the other from a more diverse place. L.'s parents have taught him that anyone who isn't a Christian will go to hell, and moreover perverted his character with many conflicting ideals. So when he learned that K.'s grandmother was a Buddhist, well L. told him that his grandmother was going to hell. K. is also a Christian. He and his family have expressed to L. and L.'s family that this hurts and please think twice and stop. K.'s family silently suggests that it's true: she will go to hell. I am learning about Shinto for one because I feel that a widening perspective may help plant the Trojan horse which will free L.'s mind to think for itself. The problem lies in the fact that L.'s faith slash philosophy states that all who differ are wrong. My philosophy wants to give respect to all beliefs, and my feeling is that I want L. to respect at least to the point of allowing other's their independent beliefs. However, in so doing I do not allow L. his fundamentalist rearing. It may seem silly, but it is a conflict for me. One of many in so far as my feelings and L. is concerned. Fundamentalist parents can be so cruel. And doing nothing can make one feel so right and wrong.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

koi, pond

My fish was in a bowl when I realized it had cancer. I saw the growth on it's upper fin, and it was making him swim to the side a bit. I took him out and slapped him into a plastic bag. Running, I made it to the vet who had me sit for a while. He said it would be about $200 to fix my fish. I paid, and felt better afterwards. He gave me a little jar with the cancer inside. It made me sick. I ate it, as he recommended.

Going to a wedding later today. I don't want to go. I hate weddings. Or do I? On top of that, I feel too fatty. Eating too much and sitting too has gotten me all soft. Which means I have to dig through to find something to wear. And on top of it all I am paranoid about that cancer I swallowed, I think it might be contagious.

I wrote a long haiku thing which ended with,

"Drink tea, yes, be free
make the tea loose leaf green, black
create, not suffer"

I want to feel that way right now, but these obligations, and the time it's going to take to lose this flab have got me in a blank thought zone. And I keep wearing the same pair of shoes.

Friday, October 21, 2005

A duck for people now

Not really practical. I sit here on the edge, of course you can see that. They say I'm just an object, but no moreso than you're idea that created me or wanted to buy me. Even just recognizes me, isn't that the object in your head, doesn't that come first? I am a comforter to those who see me, and a friend to those who take me in when they bathe. The little boy takes me in with him and I float in the water, but it only occupies the space inside the edge. He gets out and leaves. I live a lonely life. When the woman comes in to bathe she sometimes puts me in a drawer. Then I'm back out here. Sit. Mirror over there. Wallpaper. The smell of it I think destroys my thoughts. This is a small little world, my little kingdom, though nothing else here. I sit motionless. When no one's around I fall off the edge and after recovering my balance I crawl back up. But you knew that.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

rabbit x section

One of a series I did earlier, from a picture I did a week or two ago. I kind of like it, moreso the series of them all together perhaps, but I like the colors and the ghost faces that came to circle the rainbow field of the rabbit in this one especially. His little narrowed eyes and the force within. The videoed lines.

On another note, some famous parenting how-to espouser stated that, "Children have difficulty knowing the difference between a need and a want." This isn't entirely true since infants can be taught to swim, thus they know they need air more than they want to be a fish. That same pen pusher also gave us the popularisation of the metaphor, "Children are like wet cement." So perhaps we shouldn't take him so literaly. Especially when he proffers us the advice of giving a child a larger cup when they ask for only half a glass of milk. "Children are like wet cement," he says, and yet he is more like dry cement. Talking dry cement. Hard stuff I might have walked over a thousand times, it's probably cracked and full of dirt and lost cement dreams. Here's a metaphor for children, yes let's be overreaching, broad, put ourselves at risk for looking idiotic. Well, here it is: Children are like optical prisms.

And life is like a tissue. Can you enter the space of the rabbit above? Is that a spiritual journey possible for you, is it too absurd? Farewell empty, empty, empty travellers. The Journey is still capitalized.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Friday, October 14, 2005

Sunday, September 25, 2005

the apthur delay pedal

The echo created by our new stompbox is one everyone will disagree on. Your listeners will be amazed at how differently they hear your guitar than their friend next to them. Was it awesome, or deep? Easily alienate entire nations of youth with the twist of the perception knob. Go from 'Library Shy' to full blown 'Anomie'. Astound your contemporaries by crashing cultural movements, defeating them with the gracility of a gerenuk ascending a slope. Create empirically provable autism in every audience with such finesse you'll wonder just what is - rock and roll!

We arrived at twelve, then it was one, lunch. We ate pizza, it was terrible. It tasted like the owner of the shop had gotten the pizza from last week's left over lunch from some local school cafeteria and had been keeping it warm just for us. But we could sympathize with the pizza and that's why liked it, because it was like eating our childhood.

It was a drive, but there was the sign, what we all came to see.

We crossed the street at one thirty, the architecture was high. It was there not one mile up but rather universalist hodgepodge. On a side note it wasn't much of a wonder to think it was a sane choice when those in charge built something else after the Tokyo Imperial Hotel wasn't ruined in 1923 by the Great earthquake(of that year). Sure it took fifty years to build up the guts to be so bold, but in 1976 the hotel, aside from its facade and a pool, was demolished. Maybe the new hotel is contemporary and has a larger onsen. But don't take it wrong, I like the guy. I just do not enjoy people getting off on their friends, as I overheard guys saying to their girlfriend, whomever,

"You don't know who built this? Frank Lloyd Wright. He's famous, his architecture's great. You've never heard of Frank Lloyd Wright?" And variants, the like. They could have added, 'You didn't read all the stuffed out promo on this show?'

Surely the cost of admittance to this festival wasn't enough for such a precise deflating of my feelings about scenes in general.

The sound from the main stage was awful and the spectrum of autism throughout, was grand. After we walked around like falling spores from a coughing mouth we decided to check out the basement theatre. I walked in the wrong side and was quickly yelled at and scolded and, "OTHER DOOR!" It was ridiculous, and I almost left. Fucking Fire Marshall I guess. Not that anyone was apologizing for being an ass. So we waited, he counted heads. Apparently it was a running guess. We were admitted and we jaunted down to a crowded movie theatre sitting room with a band that was nearly Beefheart incarnate. Which, was nice for a while. Though certainly not my expectations, incarnate.

The small outdoor stage was impossible to get to, and the sound was low. But not so far beyond it was the way to the main stage, on which way to I found the portable closets with toilets were set up as a small colony to my left. They were mostly vacant and it crossed me that they could be a refuge of sorts from the depressing surroundings but failed on that matter. To wash your hands, if so inclined, you had to press your foot down on a pedal.

Once at the edge of the overflowing crowd for the main stage I could catch a glimpse of Dead Meadow. They were just ending their set but it was not really possible to get into the dense sea so we walked around and sat with the other bored folks on the far side as if we were going to picnic.

This main stage however was perhaps obviously the central point of interest. It had high platforms on which the bands played from, but not so high that you could really see the band over the heads of others if you hadn't waited around since the start. And certainly not high enough to be physical representations of the spiritual exaltation we performed in our heads with these people when we were alone.

What I thought would be a rare gathering of such a wide array of interesting and pretty people turned out to be not so different than the subdued crowd one often finds in a movie theatre. No one talking so much outside of their bubble. Of course maybe part of that is in my perception. However it was such a bore, and I keep typing 'suck' here so lets put a few in, suck suck suck, yes so after hours of silencing the feeling I finally admitted to myself around six that I might as well be back in the hotel to read a book or something. Feel as trapped here as there. Interaction was absent outside the reams of people who are fine wherever and came in packs; one guy had a, 'for all the fucked up children of the world we give you spacemen 3' shirt. Which seemed a nice way to close this paragraph.

But the groups of pretty people and the rest with their shields up and so insular lead me to really wonder about the ratio or correlation of this 'scene' and high functioning autism, and specifically aspergers. Does that relate to openmindedness, or even slogans of peace and love, or even simply to the general passivity of so many people there?

Deciding to skip the mile-lines for Earth/Growing/Sunn, and since I couldn't hear or see at the second outdoor stage, I decided to go over to the main stage and wait for Spoon, and finally Yoko Ono.

Spoon came on, and the apthur delay pedal was pretty much in full force. They played a great show, but everything was battered by this nasty feedback. Their sound guy looked like he was trying to talk to the engineers, and then maybe trying to ignore it. But, it was cool to see Spoon. Daniel looked really happy. And, these two young girls we're so enamored with him, and of course love and music go hand in hand. Though crushes over music, remember that. From the audience came calls of, "Turn down the bass!" "You look sexy like that!" "We Love You!" and so on. Spoon were really fantastic, it was just that Apthur pedal that dragged the show down from the point of view of me and maybe the audience.

Their set ended and the feeling really was there, the knobs must of been turned somewhere close to 'Anomie'. But not quite there, it was moreso a malaise not so much unlike the dissatisfaction one feels when watching commercials on a television while not wanting to be where you are, in an office, at home, wherever, it was that kind of thing plus I had a really bad headache.

But we had come for Yoko, and it wasn't until Sean spoke up and Yoko waved her hands, that the apthur fest delay pedal got turned down. They nearly turned it off. The feedback weakened and the crowd pulled out of it's slump, they were happy with the Onochord love lights, but dismayed at the video art. So I guess we all somewhat pulled together, emotionally. Or at least it seemed that way to me. I felt really happy, well fantastic, for the first time of that whole day. Yoko loosened us all up, and no matter how hard the Apthurfest delay pedal tried during her show I think we all felt pretty happy and open to enjoying ourselves, slagging off the cultural nausea I know I sure had been feeling. A cure for high functioning autism? Surely not, but I don't know.

Audience to Yoko, "I Love You"

After Yoko said it was over and walked off stage, the band went into a psychfunk jam.

To an enamored crowd, Yoko returned. The band switched places and did a song Sean said she hadn't done since the early seventies, 'Don't worry Kyoko(mummy's only looking for her hand in the snow)'.

It was fantastic.

After the show, people were lined up by the backstage with 'Two Virgins' lps and whatnot. Soon after, security came in telling them to move on and Arthurfest was basically over.

Yoko's show was amazing, and definitely made it all worthwhile.

We had come for Yoko and a relative birthday, well relative since it was the next day, it was close to twelve when got back to the hotel. By the end of the show my headache had become a sort of trauma and the triple coffee didn't work plus two parts of it sat undrank as a painkiller kicked in. It was then my brother's birthday, that morning I gave him my gift, which was that he could get whatever he wanted at this record store Amoeba or anything at this place Meltdown Comics. We got sidetracked and had to buy it at Wal-mart, the first season of Futurama. We saw gerenuk at the L.A. Zoo. They're like gazelle except even more alien. And I thought, how many creatures on this earth I don't even know about.

Sunday, September 04, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
The analogy, in a picture!

Thanks to Saä Viccenzo for the very nice compliments on my last post, that meant a lot to me!

And, yes I will try to write more.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

More unhonest glass from the maker of cut and paste Wednesdays. Nothing going the way to stoke and thinking of, will never happen. Piles of short stories and notes for and sections of books I'm working on. Seems like not a damn thing is anywhere near being finished and over with. A light in someone's room, someone else's room, as Nabokov put it. From celebratory to derogatory, lately it all makes me a little more sick. Of it or myself what's the difference. Sure, a bit more disparaging of my own world than it all. Watched 'A Compulsive Oral Sex Slave 2' a little earlier, one of my favorite Japanese porn tix, came. Favorites, I am hating that word. This is my favorite cd, book, blah blah. Getting sick of that shit, and even writing, questioning the whole thing. But what else is there; with an absolute propensity for putting others out, how can I escape this paradise of pariah'n? There is not a separate way, or even a floatable milky, which is where I might go if I could enjoy and be enjoyed. Going along like happy ghosts among the blue ardor and white shiny dots. Laughing lightly because it wasn't funny, it was just kind of perfect with everything not being exactly fucked. But here now on this duophonic ball of blue, I'm caught between, I want so much at the same time I seem to get nothing - all at once. My perpetual wanton want for both viviparous vivacit alacrit Japanese women, yes I want to hear a woman I love tell me she's pregnant, and smooth soft but with a hardness and warmth, where is the word for that, creamy boys with loose hair in their late teens totally calm but vivid and absolutely into advanced mathematics but open minded, and who are just starting college; it tears in one leaving my bed half full. So I'm angry at you and your favorite songs too, why? Because your favorite songs can't even begin to express my lateral feel my bitter and expansive parse at this moment, nor can it lull me or comfort as if I was shattered glass only it wanted to touch, with it's well placed bridge and clever phrasings.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

In lieu of art

Matthew Jeanes at brainwashed has posted a very interesting news story, from his post:

'Organizers of a Drum n Bass party outside of Salt Lake City, Utah had their proceedings shut down violently by police and the Utah National Guard over the weekend. Rather than ride up with a handful of cops to unplug the soundsystem (the logical way to kill any party) the authorities swarmed the crowd with a helicopter, men in camoflage uniforms carrying machine guns, and police dogs. Reports from the event detail heavy-handed and violent tactics used by the cops to subdue and arrest party-goers, and the stories are beginning to surface online along with video and pictures. The cops contend that the organizers didn't have the required permits for the party, something the promoter denies. The first-hand account of Evol Intent DJ Knick is enough to scare anyone off of the rave scene: Knick's story. A video has landed online showing the militaristic seige: Pulling theplug. More first-hand accounts are popping up here:'

There's also this article from Utah's Hark Herald, where a guest commented, "Video tells no lie.... police state, illegal raid." Oh yes, for further info see the story on wikinews (pictures included) and daily rotten. Enjoy!

Friday, August 12, 2005

possible bc cover

possible bc cover
Originally uploaded by your.
well i've been away for a week or so, out of town. went to see basquiat at lamoca, which was wonderful. he's been my favorite artist since i was a kid. they didn't have p-z, but it was still amazing, and they had downtown 81 playing in their cinema.

it sucks that i don't really know anyone outside of my family around here who even knows who basquiat is. after the exhibit i felt really sad, i mean for jean, about him, it's really sad that he's gone. i really missed him, even though i never knew him. but it felt like i had.

got stuck in los feliz for a while and spent some time around hollywood, i really am thinking about moving there. maybe pasadena or long beach, or whatever, i don't know.

so, the image here is a cover for a book i'm trying to finish, it's for very young kids like four and under. i'm hoping to get some constructive criticism on this version of it. hopefully i can post some more things later, i'm finishing up a large painting and have some music to recommend. later all you wizards and tongue lickers.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

woman colors mind

woman colors mind
Originally uploaded by your.
love fish music, fish light music, that was some track i did which nobody liked, well at least the people i did it for, well to get them to like it to release it so others could like it feel it, but that was years ago. i'm thinking of that maybe because of the three word titles a lot of stuff has lately. this is something i did tonight, an escape from the book covers i had been working on durring the day, even though they're for one of my books. yes, this is maybe a piece i could let go of and like. and much scaled down here.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

lindsay lindsay lindsay

lindsay lindsay lindsay
Originally uploaded by your.
everybody seems to like this one. and personally i really do too. i've done dozens of other pieces that follow after this one in a series of sorts. her face is like a mona lisa, i mean the more i mess with it and color it and take away and add, the more things i see in it and see it as. this was the first one, and so probably the best. she was an old friend, well childhood friend. but now i don't really know her at all. though as far as i know her family really likes this, though she probably just thinks it's weird. and you should probably ignore all that and take the image as it is, i mean i don't know, shouldn't it work that way? maybe, i mean it never does.

the original is 16in x 16in, early 2005

Monday, August 01, 2005

21st century writer

21st century writer
Originally uploaded by your.

this has always been one of my favorites

and if you've read below you know, i've

heavy best seller primes!

but it's fine with me.

(collage, roughly 11in x 14in, early 2004)

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

"fragile we all" collage, 9inx12in (with transcription)

fragile we all
Originally uploaded by your.
(wizard hat girl's arm sleeved)
Here are the latest trial biopsies
Society screening
(women's legs in black nylons heels)
(very skinny young women in various outfits)
Nix Healthy Habits Make More Moods
Pursue Negative Thinking et Closer (night sky white stars)
weight charts will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in fear of scales forever
Church of Anorexia Church of Anorexia Church of Anorexia
Instead of avoiding food, she ate it
(kid eating) (in a shopping cart's reverse seat a kid's hand reaching for food, groceries) (kid's hand fingers number 12 card) doubt, contemplative (hand holding mask with wig and sunglasses) eating needing counting wasted, hiding, warped, disgusted, disgusting
(blue night sky) space
The Ten Commandments (pink) girl 1. Time
If you aren't thin you aren't attractive Being this is more important than being healthy You must buy your clothes cut your hair take laxatives starve yourself do anything to make yourself look thinner Thou shalt not eat without feeling guilty Thou shalt not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly What the scale says is the most important thing Losing weight is good gaining weight is bad You can never be
too thin thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success
(women's calves in black stockings shiny heels) shorter, larger
(women's legs crossed toe nails painted red) slim, natural normal (pink rain boots) accessories (umbrella) objects
1. Time Have your preteen note practices, project deadlines, parties and other activities on a personal calendar. (blue) Ask her to list the things she likes to do every day homework spending time with friends TV reading chores. Seeing what has to be done all in one place can give her a sense 2. Goal S
Show your child to break a project down into steps and target dates. If he wants to learn to play guitar have him set a date by which he wants to begin lessons and have him list what he needs to do first - find an instrument (calling rental shops and checking classifieds), find a teacher or get instructional videos from the library.
3. Conflict
Learning how to patch up problems can help your tweens take action to solve friendship woes. First, pinpoint the offense. Was it a betrayed confidence? Jealousy? Being ignored? Thinking it through ("Oh, I did forget to call Katie back" can bring other issues to light, and the realization may be all that's needed to end the problem. If not, encourage your child to speak to her friend and to be as honest as possible about her feelings. (black casual dress heel) shapely object, further age
Nix Healthy Habits
Make More Moods
Pursue Negative Thinking
et Closer
(black brown form) offset
FRAGILE WE ALL (black white)
(brain map, dress print) pattern, loop
(girl and boy sitting side by hands folded) emotion, connection, humanity, youth, being told, apprehension, the start of worry, entry point/mnemonic device

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

what was that, god?

what was that, god?
Originally uploaded by your.
This is a picture I did a few months back, very much scaled down here.

b: take off those stupid things

a: hold on a second I'm trying to hear what god said

Sunday, July 24, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
This is a picture I did a while ago, its base is a photo I took of Morro Bay a couple years ago. I really like it, and it's part of a larger series which I sort of left for now.

Saturday, July 23, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
A little drawing I did a month or two back, I was just trying to see if I could draw different animals that I had never really drawn before; since this was around that time I was drawing those birds so much. I really like these little characters I came up with.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
the colors are a little off maybe, but i really wanted to post this anyway. i finished this a few weeks ago. acrylic with oil pastels and paint markers; roughly 23.5inx37in. i like it.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

forever with smile, for dennis cooper

forever with smile
Originally uploaded by your.

a note on love, from the birds

a note on love
Originally uploaded by your.
a drawing from two months back or so; i really like these birds, and have a lot of little drawings of them around from that time. anyway, i thought of this one when reflecting on dennis cooper going to paris to be with his boyfriend, and i wanted something to put up here about love.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

monday report by susan

Originally uploaded by your.
an unfinished watercolor and oil pastel; 21.5" x 15.75" (i was inspired by a book on the superflat movement called the japanese experinece: inevitable, especially some yoshitomo nara i hadn't seen before; but this turned out diff than i thought, but i kinda like it.)

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
a beautiful in that way make-use of a truck; japantown,sf 6/05 (wish i had gotten more of this)
well after a pretty eventful evening, for me, i'm awake as usual but tonight with a headache as well, and now an early hangover. so surely i thought it would make sense to post a link to one of my favorite cLOUDDEAD tracks, and so i will,

and on the otherhand the strains of years of a deep mutual, if somewhat intrestingly different in context, love that is for the most part still physically impossible.

Friday, July 15, 2005

sign, tag

Originally uploaded by your.

a green interlude

he published the photos on a website, relinked through his blog, and was trying to think of how he could fit in something along the lines of a lifetime of regret. everything he put here was a sort of instant scrap that while not bad wasn't really more that what it was, like a wall. the photos were from a trip he had taken with his little brother up in sf a month ago. they had gone to see deerhoof, electrelane, and sm&jicks. he started to write a little post, he wrote this way because he didn't want to put here how he really wrote, it was too dangerous for now. after typing a minute or so, he read it back to himself,

a shot from up in sf a month ago while my little brother and i were up there to see sm&jicks deerhoof and electrelane. all three were great, we were the first at both shows, and front row all the way. we stayed at the adelaide hostel, though we had a room, it was an okay scene, small mountains above yr avg hotel. the shot to the right here seemed gently perfect at the time when i actually saw it, and now it comes off like maybe its a piece of art. too bad chain store fucked the negatives from some of the other rolls we took, not that theres another place around here to go to for developing, well really it was my fault for not marking off premium on the lope. but so much has changed since then, and i feel i've really changed as a person for all the better. but to feed the piece, i got a fiction rejected from the new yorker tues, and some people i really care about are in an escalating in it's fucked upedness situation, and here's a sort of lie, which only they can solve everpresent conflict in me though on how to help plus gauging apathy, for for the first time i am totally out of that kind of thing in my own home and have been slowly moreso a number of years now, and i finally understand the nonvibe of just walking by domestic violence. but been painting lately, and really finding out more about myself as other things fall away.

fuck it, he thought. who the fuck cares. so what if it's stupid. he was listening to sunburned hand of the man's no magic man, and his jaw hurt. folding and unfolding his fingers of his right hand, he finally let himself just post it. but as he saw it there on the page, it looked worse than he had imagined, so he went back and deleted the post so nobody would ever know. as he sat there afterwards he thought about this boy he really cared about that was living in house that was evil madness, ruoy had himself lived in a place on a that level when he was a kid, but he realized that now as his life had become so calm over the years he couldn't really relate to that, and he wished the boy couldn't either even though he knew that the boy was becoming a deeper and richer and person because of it, just like he had. m.i.a.'s arular started over his headphones and he felt fine thinking about whatever, he really liked this album.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

section, top right (left, autodicte)

section, top right
Originally uploaded by your.
hey bill!


a failed prelude, of course. from under glass too small, from a larger work, one sixth of it or so. i tried to stitch it but had to ditch since i was like ectoplasm thus cemented to the task with my knowledge that i could do it even though after hours it was not stitching well that was going to be poetic but it's just baskwords.

ying underwear, he said to him. the rabbit only nibbled as it smelled to breathe. billy drank and drank, and he really wasn't billy was he, seventy years old, he crawled out of a southern swamp to write the great american snovel. he wrote manchyle all over his walls and the rite emerged with drinking and drawing with shit on the immaculately dull rugs and lords good will. the rabbit hopped in the type writer flew threw the window the table oozed black and white news clippings of girls and boys smiling, and an ocean view from the south painting tacked to the wall. they sat and bill mumbled, yes yes the man came up and smattered the roadster, his hat was so tall. the rabbit twisked and stared, his fur always felt slightly cold.


people gots lots of problems.

plus, rejection!

Thursday, June 23, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.
A previously set aside piece that I finished this morning. So far, I like it.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Originally uploaded by your.


wouldn't it of been better if i could have gotten yourblog?