Saturday, October 22, 2005

koi, pond

My fish was in a bowl when I realized it had cancer. I saw the growth on it's upper fin, and it was making him swim to the side a bit. I took him out and slapped him into a plastic bag. Running, I made it to the vet who had me sit for a while. He said it would be about $200 to fix my fish. I paid, and felt better afterwards. He gave me a little jar with the cancer inside. It made me sick. I ate it, as he recommended.

Going to a wedding later today. I don't want to go. I hate weddings. Or do I? On top of that, I feel too fatty. Eating too much and sitting too has gotten me all soft. Which means I have to dig through to find something to wear. And on top of it all I am paranoid about that cancer I swallowed, I think it might be contagious.

I wrote a long haiku thing which ended with,

"Drink tea, yes, be free
make the tea loose leaf green, black
create, not suffer"

I want to feel that way right now, but these obligations, and the time it's going to take to lose this flab have got me in a blank thought zone. And I keep wearing the same pair of shoes.

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