Not as good as the laughing clip

"Where there's life, there's hope. Wishes can come true.
-Whistle while you work, so hard, all day
-to be like other girls, to fit in in this glittering world.
-Don't give me songs."

"Give me something to sing about"

"Please."

From Lolita Chronology

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December 25, Thursday, Christmas Day – Lolita dies in Gray Star, Alaska, "in childbed, giving birth to a stillborn child" (p.4).

november series

Self Portrait Day (Halloween 2009)

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A costume which makes the wearer appear to each viewer as someone that they loved but could not satisfactorily express that to; moreover, someone they were terrified to express that to, would be the one I would wear, especially to a party.

-

fig.

-
-
Dinosaur versus deadtime
--by Bradley Bent
-he had to beat up
-his loneliness
-so he took it
-to a corner
-
-

Don't Do It

-
--A coffee lecture, virtual travel doesn't need poor education only pictures. Besides, that's what makes it a fantasy. There is no difference in knowing things. A walk in the rain will get you wet either way. The glass pan still holds too much heat for fingers. It's not the same as a bruise which lasts months, but I guess it's still a symptom of distraction.
--The photo made her look overtly together. I was intimidated in a different way than I was after we'd first talked two years ago, when she had definitely not looked too much together. I had been so flattened after meeting her that I walked into a steel door frame and bruised my hip. Which, as you might imagine, is not something that happened after seeing her photo just now. Similarly though, there was rain.
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Cherry Red's RA

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Spinning gloriously out of control,
collections of frontier lore
presently I found myself approaching
populated places
you think fires start by themselves?

This is the best part of the edge
where one is not oneself.
The warm bath of physical
dissolution, the one real part
of one's temporary personality.

Where does the desire for ethical
action come from? What makes
us want to be ethical?

The great satisfaction of seeing
someone else punished for a deed
of which we know ourselves
capable.

They just mean to be insulting.
I don't know what you want me to
say. What? Whatting a what?
Wanting a what? When you
kiss me I want to die.

Winner and still champion.

And, I realized this was
my thing. To let it fill up
and - don't get hurt or dead -
just as nice - to let it
all run out again.

The rest was easy, well, this is
what the voice whispered to me:
"There was a time when I couldn't
complain, but now it's you."

There was no top bolt, the catch
gave, there was a time I was happy
to know you, I climbed in and pulled
the drapes off my face. No, there is
no good here.

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--
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--

Collaged from: Californication DVD box back copy, Nabokov's Lolita and Pale Fire, Gaddis's Carpenter's Gothic and the Recognitions, Mary Jo Bang's Alice in Wonderland, Weisenburger's Gravity's Rainbow: A Companion, Schutt's All Souls, Whedon et al's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Roche's Wetlands, Ralph Wiggum the Book, Fiery Furnances's Lost at sea, Baudelaire's Beat Up the Poor, Chandler's The Big Sleep. RA = Reappropriated Ambivalence.

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Question

Some anonymous person said my blog led them to think I was sexist. What do you think? If you think that I am, why do you think that? If not, why do you think this person would suggest that?

November Mixromix

(cover photo courtesy James Greer!)

mixromix two

01. stove - eric's trip
02. hurricane - thinking feller's union local 282
03. these days - times new viking
04. heaven's stranger - eat skull
05. catholicked - dum dum girls
06. dickshaker's union - surf city
07. your will - gun outfit
08. getting out of bed - hospitals
09. i'm just a person in this roomy verse - broadcast
10. leavin' here - ramleh
11. false jesii part 2 - pissed jeans
12. the crawl - mayyors
13. good clues - gary war
14. the trees grew emotions and died - cold cave
15. soft return - labradford
16. sunlit - woods
17. water on the boater's back - tobin sprout
18. i.s.w.y. (lavender edition) - ai aso

(also, if you missed it... mixromix one)

painting

This is a 6' x 6' painting that I finished this Halloween.

divorce

grief b

new little painting

Strider by Beverly Cleary

It takes place a couple years after the end of Dear Mr. Henshaw, and Leigh Botts has grown a lot. One day, while walking on the beach, he and his friend, Barry, find a stray dog who they name Strider. They each share custody of the dog, in the same way divorced parents share custody of their children (Leigh is never given into the custody of his father). However as time goes on Barry takes care of the dog less and less, which causes trouble for Leigh until he takes full custody. He joins the track team, and has a crush on a girl with red hair.

via wikipedia

untitled collage

hi, hi

another untitled collage

new ba-loons!

see it HERE

above via mcguffin0

'Pride'

-----------------by Lynn and me (and actually from today!)

Some Intriguing Facial Hair (for Alan)

from A Day in the Life of the Soviet Union

after the purest of treats

Tom Friedman, Untitled, 2000

Opening Quote

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It may be that friendship is nourished on observation and conversation, but love is born from and nourished on silent interpretation…The beloved expresses a possible world unknown to us…that must be deciphered.

------------------------Gilles Deleuze, Proust and Signs, as quoted by Rivka Galchen ------------------------in Atmospheric Disturbances

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Ricardo Reis via Fernando Pessoa

---
I want the flower you are, not the one you give.
Why refuse me what I don't ask of you?
---You'll have time to refuse
---After you've given.
Flower, be a flower to me! If, ungenerous, you're plucked
By the hand of the ill-omened sphinx, you'll wander forever
---As an absurd shadow,
---Seeking what you never gave.

---------------------------------------21 October 1923

Rinko Kikuchi momentary press fragments (text deleted) -- what i was talking about

Rinko Kikuchi in...

Recovery (cont.)

(G.E. Madeley (fl. 1826-1841) after G. Spratt, The Circulating Library, ca. 1830)

Gosh, what to say? A cryptic Coil reference and now this... Well, recorded a new track with Matt today for an upcoming special Pacific Blush single, it sounds great. He sounds like Genesis P-Orridge, in a a really good way. Um, did a new ambient track... Went through old cassettes looking for songs which I couldn't find. Instead, came across four I had thought lost, one I had forgotten and another which I had initially mixed down losing a hidden song on the third track... Oh, four tracks I miss thee...

Uh, started work on a new dummy for my next picture book (I sent my first in years out last week and am now crawling for an agent). Hopefully, can get it done this week. Then if it's right I'll redo it in glorious large size with some nice permanent marker ala me three recent doodles on my walls and nightstand.

Wrote a few new scratches at poems and have founds a few ships worth to revise.

Matt related a very scary dream he had where there was a woman who was killing everyone all over the world and had made it to our street, or at least was influencing it, via a door-to-door saleswoman. I died.

Even though I've rereleased two albums, released one new, finished a dummy for a picture book, and am nearly finished on my next album - with lots of demos for the followup - and a more... I feel like I have nothing to show for myself... Very strange feeling.

Anyway... There's also some strange and great intersections of thoughts and actions on love but that's for later I guess.

Tonight (etc)

(picture by Theodore Kittelsen)

Today I wrote a cover letter and submitted my new picture book to a children's book publisher. In a few months I will know what they thought. This is my third picture book, that I've submitted, the first two had enough rejections that I decided to rework them.

On another note I had two poems rejected, er, sent back, tonight. Which was a bummer. But, they were my first poetry submissions in ages and so I don't feel too bad, well I do but I know I shouldn't. I have a few other poetry submissions I'm prepping, so hopefully, something something.

The essay I said I had finished I had until I came across some old diaries from the time period the essay focuses on and realized I wanted to do more with it. So it looms...

The second and third Aiko Planetarium LPs are in progress, with the second being basically done, it just needs a few little touches... The third is mostly demos at this point. The second in something I'd started years ago, the third is something I started at the end of this past spring.

Aside from that someone offered to make me a Szechuan dish, which is great and sweet of them. Lest I let the fruit rot on the vine, as my friend put it.

My body image issues are so out of whack and I feel very horrible in that arena... Luckily a good friend of mine who is beautiful and as it turns out has experience in this mire has lent an ear and friendly advice.

Also, I'm sure that this path I have found as a writer is more difficult and strange than I had ever imagined.......

That said I went on and did three personalized promos for Japanese Alice releases (my itty-bity virtual label which has released the great Pacific Blush debut and will soon release the even more amazing follow-up!)... hopefully they'll see what I see if not more........

"tiger mountain" calling...

October mixromix

mixromix one

1. cold cell - coil
2. chinese song - nancy sit
3. leo, are you still jumping out of windows
---in expensive clothes? - my little airport
4. why do i feel - the shaggs
5. 好き好き大好き　- jun togawa
6. what grows - lotus plaza
7. straight to heaven - papaya paranoia
8. the bloodbells chime - current 93
9. white nights - psychic tv
10. lotus rain (live) - syzygys
11. maternity blue - ni-hao!
12. love and anger - kate bush
13. united - throbbing gristle
14. more than this - electrelane
15. spirit lake - coco rosie
16. あいがあふれる - nikaido kazumi

Jesus...

(painting by Gerhard Richter)

Just finished revising, rewriting, rewriting my essay on Shin and it nearly killed me, or I nearly did. At least I got through the essay. I never, ever, want to have to write that or work like that again. Hopefully it will find a publisher. Solace calling...

'Eating Half A Lifetime'

'Hospital Dreamin'

From On Socialist Man

May I remind you that Trotsky, for instance, speaks of three basic tragedies—hunger, sex, and death—besetting man. Hunger is the enemy that Marxism and the modern labor movement have taken on. In doing so they have naturally been inclined to ignore or belittle man’s other predicaments. But is it not true that hunger or, more broadly, social inequality and oppression, have hugely complicated and intensified for innumerable human beings the torments of sex and death as well?

In fighting against social inequality and oppression we fight also for the mitigation of those blows that nature inflicts on us….

Yes, socialist man will still be pursued by sex and death; but we are convinced that he will be better equipped than we are to cope even with these.

- Isaac Deutscher

From a speech delivered in New York in 1966, apparently. Thanks to Alan, of the purest of treats.

'a summer lost'

'Bathtub Triumph'

'Mostly Mozart'

'Flat Summer'