g: Ok, you got that package I sent with you and told you not to open until Friday?
a: Yeah, I actually have it right next to me for some reason.






















g: Well open it.
a: Ok.






















g: ...
a: Grandma! Is this a gold covered diamond covered in diamonds?

g: That's right!
a: Oh my god grandma.








g: That's my bling!
a: Grandma, wow.

g: Now shake it.
a: Okay... oh my god. Grandma is this an iphone inside a diamond covered in gold and covered with diamonds?






















g: That's right!
a: Grandma... are you trying to tell me that if I let you touch my bling you'll let me touch your bling?

g: That's right, sweetie.
a: Thank's grandma.





















g: You're welcome, now I'm gonna touch your bling! I'd like a dozen friendship bracelets on each wrist, and wear that sweatshirt and pretend I'm in college.
a: Sorry I was such a brat, grandma.

g: That's right!
a: Bye grandma.






















g: Bye sweetheart.

a: I can't believe I'm going to be in college.

g: I'm in college, fool! Hey, hello.






















a: I'm going to prank call a payphone.

g: I know, I'll prank call a payphone.

p: Ring... ring... ring...























a: Grandma?

Fake Game Moment!

Coming this December in a surprise followup to their sleeper hit Club House Games, Nintendo presents their first M game for the wildly popular DS, Club House Dames! You must seduce all fourteen Clubhouse Dames using only your index finger (or stylus) and any special skills you might have - like singing into the DS mic: la la la la la, la!

Play Marathon Come with Aya Matsuura!

Oh she's getting moist. Success! Orgasm!!

(Girl laughing).

Round Result: You have seduced Marai Oawazawa!

Suggested Retail Value.






















[fake screen cap at cafe/card game gcn girl at table, if possible - PICTURE MISSING]

With a room called Lover 7, featuring the famous Aika Miora.















Bonus preview secret exclusive: Press the stylus up, down, up, down, and say nipples into the mic to unlock Sound Test mode!















Nintendo Presents Link and Princess Peach in Yoshi's Story 2, starring Yuki Suzuki! Over ten thousand levels!

















Link's new adventure going by the codename SleepingWind. You are Link and you must wake the sleeping breeze of the world! Hey wind, ah yah! Oy! Wake the fuck up! Hey, I'd love to let you sleep but it's almost one p-m and you've got to get up and call your mom and stuff. I've been up since ten but I haven't gotten anything done yet, but I'm okay with that!

















My stomach's been sick all day, I think it's from all these deku nuts. Shit! What else is there to eat out here? I'm on a fucking island for some reason! I found this little tree and I went inside it and it was huge, there was a dungeon in there! A tree with a giant interior! There were maps and treasure chests and bad guys, I even could put like a million things in my pockets and you couldn't tell cause they looked flat! I flew with a leaf across this wide expanse! But now I've got to wake you up, Ms. Wind, or is it Mr.? I gotta go type this up. Level two.

'woman throws son out of speeding car'

1998, mixed media collage on paper, 8.5 x 11"

'babies'

For Jennifer Chang, 1998, collage and pen on paper, 8.5 x 11"

'hate sells'

1998, crayon and marker on paper, 8.5 x 11"


Someone will be really mad
if they find out I took a bath in their
shower
I just wanted to get off all of the
mud
I just wanted to get off all the dirt from
my skin
I didn't want to be laughed at again

I took a bath in your shower

(1996ish)

'a solar system'

1997, watercolor, 12 x 13.25"


Life on the other side
the other side of nothing
I've got a bi-polar father
I thought that he was mad
but he was really just sad
suddenly he was happy and
he yelled at me I think
he forgot to take his medication
he has been taking it since
incubation I wish I was
a parrot so I could talk
I'd tell you all the things you've
said to me like can't you run
faster and why can't you speak

(1996)

'cold, colder'

1997, drawing on paper, 9 x 12"

--

Microcassette recording:

(very fast):

you are feeling very cold

(overdubbed):

you are freezing

(speed up tape):

you feel your arms getting

(cut in, record faster):

you are cold

(recorded at a distance from tape deck):

you are freezing

Pre-spin

In a busted office chair that spins around, a youngish guy slowly turned back and forth, legs crossed indian-style. He was staring at a mostly white screen doing some sort of a post to his blog.

He titled it, 'Sitting down at his lily pad' and spoke to the fat sleeping dog on the floor behind him as he typed.

"Yeah, it's been a while since this place was bustling with that rare toss off and color exchange, the ethereal thing I was trying to do here. So when I came across a stash of art I'd done in that period, that non getting-my-period period for me, yeah adolescence, I thought, hey, I want to share this - I would have loved to then, you know? Before you were even a dog."

Across the room, not far off from that mid-size snoring beast, sat a stack of pictures, drawings, small pieces of cardboard, all of which had some certain theme to them. A voice that silently made a space for a call to look at this world we're in for one goddamn second more, please. Or something quite like that, except with more of a visual reference to heavy vomit mint-green curtains with plastic backings and steel clasps. These had been selected from otherwise voiceless crap.

Feeling a bit frustrated at his momentarily stressed communication skills, the guy began to ask himself, how come I can write good stuff in my comments on DC's blog but not here? He was probably wondering that because he had realized he had just written two things there which were more enjoyably then what he was writing now.

Typing sporadically, he wrote what he felt would be the end of this post,

"I mean, this place is a real boon to a post-boomer's ex-baby like me, in this ex-post facto boom town, Spanish for ash tree. Or hell, go more meta, I can do that, into the partially post-physical space of blogger, out of the very real ex-post facto boom crown of Goo... I mean, if that's you're idea of a good time, because if it is, well I was so alone when I was making some of this art years ago, that when this girl I was chatting to, on the phone no less, joked about me calling popcorn just to have someone to call, because she was worried I spent too much time on my own and was trying to lighten the mood by saying things like that, but I mean, she was right on the money of the no money that I had in that fleeting space of locked-up trust fund social currency. But, she must have done that too. In between inviting me to a lunch I missed, and going to every extra-curricular thing possible including being a cheerleader and studying the literary merits of placing theatre in the context of quantum physics, or whatever it was that one morning when I spotted her in the hall and said hi, and got her number."

december birds

the cheesiest

It's the cheesiest, cheesiest,
baby gone good,
got a box of it,
yeah!

hey it's the cheesiest, cheapy-iest, sheepiest,
gotta get it, gotta, gotta get it,

it's the gleam-gleam-gleamingist,
gotta kiss-kiss-kissiest,
hey tommy, thanks!

two packs of the powdery-ry-re-iest,
super cheese-cheese-cheesiest,
mac-a-ron-i in your mouth
and your tum-tum-tummy-iest,

gotta taste it, gotta, gotta taste it,
mmm, yeah, you know,
it's sinkin' in!

ask your mom,
ask your dad,
ask you friend tin can,

go out and buy a box of it,
why not get a crate?
buy a shop cart full of it,
don't hesistate -

cause it's The Cheesiest,
squeeziest, makes so easiest,
and baby,
it's on its way!

Lil' Mcky D's forthcoming album

back cover