Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Fake Game Moment!

Coming this December in a surprise followup to their sleeper hit Club House Games, Nintendo presents their first M game for the wildly popular DS, Club House Dames! You must seduce all fourteen Clubhouse Dames using only your index finger (or stylus) and any special skills you might have - like singing into the DS mic: la la la la la, la!

Play Marathon Come with Aya Matsuura!

Oh she's getting moist. Success! Orgasm!!

(Girl laughing).

Round Result: You have seduced Marai Oawazawa!

Suggested Retail Value.

[fake screen cap at cafe/card game gcn girl at table, if possible - PICTURE MISSING]

With a room called Lover 7, featuring the famous Aika Miora.

Bonus preview secret exclusive: Press the stylus up, down, up, down, and say nipples into the mic to unlock Sound Test mode!

Nintendo Presents Link and Princess Peach in Yoshi's Story 2, starring Yuki Suzuki! Over ten thousand levels!

Link's new adventure going by the codename SleepingWind. You are Link and you must wake the sleeping breeze of the world! Hey wind, ah yah! Oy! Wake the fuck up! Hey, I'd love to let you sleep but it's almost one p-m and you've got to get up and call your mom and stuff. I've been up since ten but I haven't gotten anything done yet, but I'm okay with that!

My stomach's been sick all day, I think it's from all these deku nuts. Shit! What else is there to eat out here? I'm on a fucking island for some reason! I found this little tree and I went inside it and it was huge, there was a dungeon in there! A tree with a giant interior! There were maps and treasure chests and bad guys, I even could put like a million things in my pockets and you couldn't tell cause they looked flat! I flew with a leaf across this wide expanse! But now I've got to wake you up, Ms. Wind, or is it Mr.? I gotta go type this up. Level two.


Anonymous said...

Princess Peach has really grown up, hasn't she? Or gotten younger. I'm not sure.

I used to have a crush on Princess Peach when I was really young. I watched the Super Mario Brothers cartoon with a hard-on. If I heard one of my parents approaching the room I was watching it in, I tried to switch the channel or turn the tv off before they saw it, sometimes unsuccessfully. That just gave away what was going on, of course. Once I turned it off right after my mom came into the room, and she gave me a weird look and said "yeah, I saw it". How embarrassing.

Anyway, yeah, I think Princess Peach was my first crush. This post is funny.

you said...

Hey Jeff, I really liked your anecdote, very touching. I'm sorry your parents didn't understand your crush on Peach. Your mom walking in and noticing sounds very disheartening. I'm sorry that happened to you. Why don't parents understand? And why do we care? I know the answers to both those questions, I think.

I can relate to all of what you said, and it was really nice to read. I had a little boy crush on Peach from the American Super Mario Bros. 2 game, I think. I liked how she could fly with her umbrella and her pink dress, and I liked making her jump really high. My main video game adolescent crush was on Plum, from Mario Golf 64, do you know that character? She hasn't been around in a while, but at the time I was a fifteen year old dude with a thing for girls like her and she was almost a girl like her, and you could almost be with her. I enjoyed it. Speaking of that kind of thing, did you ever toy with those Japanese Kiss programs?

Anyway, I should do a Princess Peach post here for you, just for fun.

I'm glad you thought the post was funny. And yes, I see what you mean by not being sure whether Peach has grown up or down. I don't have Yuki's birthdate handy, but this at least thematically grown up Peach brings me a bit of happiness.

Anonymous said...

You, I would be tickled pink if you did a Princess Peach post.

I watched a youtube video of the Mario Cart 64 intro to see what Plum looks like. I can see why you had/have a thing for girls like her. I also discovered that I'm still attracted to Princess Peach.

I stopped upgrading my Nintendos after the Super NES. I don't know why (maybe puberty). I might buy the Wii.

I also like the Super Mario Bros. 2 version of Princess Peach. She looks much like the Mario Bros. cartoon version.

I just discovered NESCafe, and I've been playing Super Mario Bros. 2 there recently. This site has a ton of NES games using the NESCafe emulator. I've also been playing Super Mario Bros. 3. I almost had an orgasm (which could have been my first) when I got my hands on that game shortly after it was released in the US.

I don't know if my parents looked down on my crush on Princess Peach, but I felt like there was something shameful about it, regardless.

I don't know what a Japanese Kiss program is.

you said...

Your, possibly, first orgasm with Mario Bros. 3! That's pretty cool, and amazing. Well then I am definitely going to do that Princess Peach post! If you don't mind me asking, do you recall what specifically in that game stimulated your orgasm?

So yeah, Plum was so awesome, I looked around for a good caption of her to show you but couldn't find one so I'm happy to hear you got to see her in that youtube vid.

I think this Wednesday on DC's you'll get a chance to see just how much of a thing I have for girls like her.

I hope my Peach post helps fan the flames of your attraction for her, or something.

That Nescafe and 1980 games sites are pretty cool. I used to play emulators all the time. Have you ever played old Japanese only 'Game Of Life' SNES games? They're pretty cool. There's also a lot of Japanese only somewhat transgressive, sexy Othello games that used to really tickle my fancy.

A Japanese Kiss program was something from the mid 90s that was basically a paper doll program. But people made games with them where you could have sex with the human like 'doll' via body parts that were supposed to be 'you'... but only if you did the right things with the girl. If not she would get frustrated, and the game would end in a loop where she'd never say 'yes'. They were actually pretty clever, and helped stimulate some of my first orgasms too. In fact some were recommended as sex-ed tools in publications at the time.

The program and kiss files for it were all free, I just checked wikipedia and they had some links to an old site for Kiss that I'd come across as a young teen:

They, sadly, now want you to subscribe to access the doll sets (of which they have four-thousand something).

Regardless, here's the original, which wikipedia doesn't link (probably because it's in Japanese):

And another:

Just in case you're interested.

All those sites are probably pretty dated as KISS stoped being popular around 1998 or so, but I just checked those two and they seem to still have some good (even recent) content.