your-x

CHKKKKOUUTT

2010-12-20T03:16:00.000-08:00

my little tumbly

it's called SPRINKLES OF AMBIVALENCE

a theft from a theft of Jacques Lacan (performed by blgggrrr)

2010-12-09T09:04:00.001-08:00

.
"There is no support for love… as I have told you: to give one’s love, is very precisely and essentially to give as such nothing of what one has, because it is precisely in so far as one does not have it that there is a question of love."

– Seminar V, The Formations of the Unconscious, Seminar of 07.05.1958 (unpublished)

what the fuck is this bullshit?? ehehe

'Impatient Bill of Nights'

2010-08-15T03:49:00.000-07:00

The new Aiko Planetarium LP! My band, solo-project, etc. This one has been a long time coming. Get it at the Japanese Alice blog, here.

Last summer in Portland

2010-08-15T02:41:00.000-07:00

from Mythologies

2010-08-13T15:02:00.000-07:00

To induce a collective content for the imagination is always an inhuman undertaking, not only because dreaming essentializes life into destiny, but because dreams are impoverished, and the alibi of an absence.

Roland Barthes

Tails

2010-07-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

via marshmallows and pickles

Pacific Outdoor Network Pilot Test

2010-07-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

This Fucker

2010-07-21T20:14:00.000-07:00

sequels

2010-07-07T03:01:00.000-07:00

Ambivalent Observations (Aleph)

2010-07-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

So much shit comes out of those pretty bodies and they keep moving - with shit interruptions. No, it doesn't interrupt necessarily, they're still pretty at that point (or possible of being). Even in misery. At points it begins to feel like a sea of trash.

For the Love of Jun Togawa (an exercise in song titles)

2010-06-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

*thanks to Andrew Bunnell who suggested trying this

Cornish Elf, Sayonara
Susan's Glitter
Teaching Confessionals
Isis and Pisces
Hauntological Still Life
Year in Oils
Annoying Jane's Junk Key
Only Uncles, Nieces and Nephews
Cartoon Lineage
Skirt Access Counter
Academy Nylons Runner
Chocolate Dancer Shoes
Hey Rodan, Fine
One More Vampire
Good Girl Cucumber
Emptying the Mall Rats
Jelly Bib Digger
Capt. Everything Tomorrow
Schooling Your Disease
Wooden Petals On
Levitators Flash
Closet Cases Unltd
Unfair To Suggest
Notebook Rituals
Rural Remote Viewer Romantic Murder Mystery
Toss Off Godly
Watch You Trope
A Letter From Bugs
Throw Up With Me
Seamstress Remote
Upon Realizing A Vegan

'flight comic'

2010-06-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

'dog on plane'

2010-06-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

'dog on wingtip 2'

2010-06-21T17:01:00.002-07:00

'dog, duck, transport'

2010-06-21T17:01:00.001-07:00

'dog on ship'

2010-06-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

'dog on wingtip'

2010-06-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

'happy feet'

2010-06-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

'Silk Walrus'

2010-06-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

new poem

2010-06-09T23:17:00.000-07:00

...
"The Unworn Sweatshirt"

it's up at everyday genius here

"five by five"

2010-05-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

via free to be me

Oh my god....

2010-05-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

I was looking up a magazine and the person who did it and saw that I had been published in it... nearly ten years ago! Wild. I knew I had been accepted to it but never knew it had actually come out, and tonight I saw it.

Personal Reality Essays: Sidereal Birds: Trans-Species Communication and What Lies Beneath by Joey Gaen;

Joey Gaen! That's me! At that time I was changing my name to 'Gaen' - my middle name is 'Gayne'.

Anyway, wow. CPAOD was a huge influence and inspiration to me as a young teen and forward. I'm sure it's there at the cracks of my personality now. And I've always loved Jasmine Sailing. I was happy to see she's starting CPAOD again but just floored that my essay had gotten through way back then and I'd never known.

For years I'd hoped it had. Like, I would want to tell people that it had. Jasmine had accepted it but I'd never seen the magazine with it in it. As she has said her schedule is erratic. And at that time it was moreso, er, that it had been.

So, yeah.

see here

slender girl on couch

2010-05-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

"She's slender
Oh, she's cream
She's face
I took her from place to place
I moved her from room to room
I exploited her
Became the groom
So I write music for soundtracks now
I write music for soundtracks now
(That's what I wanted to do anyhow)"
- lyrics from "Ex -Supermodel" by GBV

glowworm

2010-05-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

photo by Robin Scagell via UK Glow worm survey

Christina Carter's 'Texas Blues Working'

2010-01-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

I have been listening to this album all day,
walking in the rain, at school, in a library
writing, on the bus, back in the rain, home
by a fire. It's incredible. I've had it for a while
but it finally hit me today. It's like this space,
but also a feeling.

Christina, you are brilliant.
(See also her site many breaths)

This album was released on cassette and is
unfortunately sold out. I was turned on to it
by Jonathan Mayhew (aka bollo).

West African Masquerade

2010-01-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

Photo by Phyllis Galembo

Briefs

2010-01-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

Samo Apocalypse Balloon

2010-01-17T22:17:00.000-08:00

Claudia Rogge

2010-01-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

Rapport 220705 ⚬Lambda auf Alu-Dibond / 2005 / 150 x 200 cm Preis auf Anfrage
(via brightstupidconfetti and Galerie Voss)

Not as good as the laughing clip

2009-12-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

"Where there's life, there's hope. Wishes can come true.
-Whistle while you work, so hard, all day
-to be like other girls, to fit in in this glittering world.
-Don't give me songs."

"Give me something to sing about"

2009-12-29T05:07:00.002-08:00

"Please."

2009-12-29T05:07:00.001-08:00

From Lolita Chronology

2009-12-25T00:03:00.000-08:00

-
December 25, Thursday, Christmas Day – Lolita dies in Gray Star, Alaska, "in childbed, giving birth to a stillborn child" (p.4).

november series

2009-12-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

2009-12-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

Self Portrait Day (Halloween 2009)

2009-12-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

-
-
A costume which makes the wearer appear to each viewer as someone that they loved but could not satisfactorily express that to; moreover, someone they were terrified to express that to, would be the one I would wear, especially to a party.

-

fig.

2009-12-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

-
-
Dinosaur versus deadtime
--by Bradley Bent
-he had to beat up
-his loneliness
-so he took it
-to a corner
-
-

Don't Do It

2009-12-05T02:31:00.000-08:00

-
--A coffee lecture, virtual travel doesn't need poor education only pictures. Besides, that's what makes it a fantasy. There is no difference in knowing things. A walk in the rain will get you wet either way. The glass pan still holds too much heat for fingers. It's not the same as a bruise which lasts months, but I guess it's still a symptom of distraction.
--The photo made her look overtly together. I was intimidated in a different way than I was after we'd first talked two years ago, when she had definitely not looked too much together. I had been so flattened after meeting her that I walked into a steel door frame and bruised my hip. Which, as you might imagine, is not something that happened after seeing her photo just now. Similarly though, there was rain.
-

Cherry Red's RA

2009-12-03T04:08:00.000-08:00

-
-
Spinning gloriously out of control,
collections of frontier lore
presently I found myself approaching
populated places
you think fires start by themselves?

This is the best part of the edge
where one is not oneself.
The warm bath of physical
dissolution, the one real part
of one's temporary personality.

Where does the desire for ethical
action come from? What makes
us want to be ethical?

The great satisfaction of seeing
someone else punished for a deed
of which we know ourselves
capable.

They just mean to be insulting.
I don't know what you want me to
say. What? Whatting a what?
Wanting a what? When you
kiss me I want to die.

Winner and still champion.

And, I realized this was
my thing. To let it fill up
and - don't get hurt or dead -
just as nice - to let it
all run out again.

The rest was easy, well, this is
what the voice whispered to me:
"There was a time when I couldn't
complain, but now it's you."

There was no top bolt, the catch
gave, there was a time I was happy
to know you, I climbed in and pulled
the drapes off my face. No, there is
no good here.

-
-
--
----
--

Collaged from: Californication DVD box back copy, Nabokov's Lolita and Pale Fire, Gaddis's Carpenter's Gothic and the Recognitions, Mary Jo Bang's Alice in Wonderland, Weisenburger's Gravity's Rainbow: A Companion, Schutt's All Souls, Whedon et al's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Roche's Wetlands, Ralph Wiggum the Book, Fiery Furnances's Lost at sea, Baudelaire's Beat Up the Poor, Chandler's The Big Sleep. RA = Reappropriated Ambivalence.

Question

2009-11-23T01:12:00.000-08:00

Some anonymous person said my blog led them to think I was sexist. What do you think? If you think that I am, why do you think that? If not, why do you think this person would suggest that?

November Mixromix

2009-11-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

(cover photo courtesy James Greer!)

mixromix two

01. stove - eric's trip
02. hurricane - thinking feller's union local 282
03. these days - times new viking
04. heaven's stranger - eat skull
05. catholicked - dum dum girls
06. dickshaker's union - surf city
07. your will - gun outfit
08. getting out of bed - hospitals
09. i'm just a person in this roomy verse - broadcast
10. leavin' here - ramleh
11. false jesii part 2 - pissed jeans
12. the crawl - mayyors
13. good clues - gary war
14. the trees grew emotions and died - cold cave
15. soft return - labradford
16. sunlit - woods
17. water on the boater's back - tobin sprout
18. i.s.w.y. (lavender edition) - ai aso

(also, if you missed it... mixromix one)

painting

2009-11-13T02:05:00.000-08:00

This is a 6' x 6' painting that I finished this Halloween.

divorce

2009-11-13T02:03:00.000-08:00

grief b

2009-11-13T02:02:00.000-08:00

new little painting

2009-10-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

Strider by Beverly Cleary

2009-10-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

It takes place a couple years after the end of Dear Mr. Henshaw, and Leigh Botts has grown a lot. One day, while walking on the beach, he and his friend, Barry, find a stray dog who they name Strider. They each share custody of the dog, in the same way divorced parents share custody of their children (Leigh is never given into the custody of his father). However as time goes on Barry takes care of the dog less and less, which causes trouble for Leigh until he takes full custody. He joins the track team, and has a crush on a girl with red hair.

via wikipedia

untitled collage

2009-10-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

hi, hi

2009-10-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

another untitled collage

2009-10-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

new ba-loons!

2009-10-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

see it HERE

above via mcguffin0

'Pride'

2009-10-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

-----------------by Lynn and me (and actually from today!)

Some Intriguing Facial Hair (for Alan)

2009-10-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

from A Day in the Life of the Soviet Union

after the purest of treats

Tom Friedman, Untitled, 2000

2009-10-19T15:33:00.000-07:00

Opening Quote

2009-10-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

---

It may be that friendship is nourished on observation and conversation, but love is born from and nourished on silent interpretation…The beloved expresses a possible world unknown to us…that must be deciphered.

------------------------Gilles Deleuze, Proust and Signs, as quoted by Rivka Galchen ------------------------in Atmospheric Disturbances

----

Ricardo Reis via Fernando Pessoa

2009-10-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

---
I want the flower you are, not the one you give.
Why refuse me what I don't ask of you?
---You'll have time to refuse
---After you've given.
Flower, be a flower to me! If, ungenerous, you're plucked
By the hand of the ill-omened sphinx, you'll wander forever
---As an absurd shadow,
---Seeking what you never gave.

---------------------------------------21 October 1923

Rinko Kikuchi momentary press fragments (text deleted) -- what i was talking about

2009-10-18T03:42:00.000-07:00

Rinko Kikuchi in...

2009-10-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

Recovery (cont.)

2009-10-12T01:11:00.000-07:00

(G.E. Madeley (fl. 1826-1841) after G. Spratt, The Circulating Library, ca. 1830)

Gosh, what to say? A cryptic Coil reference and now this... Well, recorded a new track with Matt today for an upcoming special Pacific Blush single, it sounds great. He sounds like Genesis P-Orridge, in a a really good way. Um, did a new ambient track... Went through old cassettes looking for songs which I couldn't find. Instead, came across four I had thought lost, one I had forgotten and another which I had initially mixed down losing a hidden song on the third track... Oh, four tracks I miss thee...

Uh, started work on a new dummy for my next picture book (I sent my first in years out last week and am now crawling for an agent). Hopefully, can get it done this week. Then if it's right I'll redo it in glorious large size with some nice permanent marker ala me three recent doodles on my walls and nightstand.

Wrote a few new scratches at poems and have founds a few ships worth to revise.

Matt related a very scary dream he had where there was a woman who was killing everyone all over the world and had made it to our street, or at least was influencing it, via a door-to-door saleswoman. I died.

Even though I've rereleased two albums, released one new, finished a dummy for a picture book, and am nearly finished on my next album - with lots of demos for the followup - and a more... I feel like I have nothing to show for myself... Very strange feeling.

Anyway... There's also some strange and great intersections of thoughts and actions on love but that's for later I guess.

Tonight (etc)

2009-10-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

(picture by Theodore Kittelsen)

Today I wrote a cover letter and submitted my new picture book to a children's book publisher. In a few months I will know what they thought. This is my third picture book, that I've submitted, the first two had enough rejections that I decided to rework them.

On another note I had two poems rejected, er, sent back, tonight. Which was a bummer. But, they were my first poetry submissions in ages and so I don't feel too bad, well I do but I know I shouldn't. I have a few other poetry submissions I'm prepping, so hopefully, something something.

The essay I said I had finished I had until I came across some old diaries from the time period the essay focuses on and realized I wanted to do more with it. So it looms...

The second and third Aiko Planetarium LPs are in progress, with the second being basically done, it just needs a few little touches... The third is mostly demos at this point. The second in something I'd started years ago, the third is something I started at the end of this past spring.

Aside from that someone offered to make me a Szechuan dish, which is great and sweet of them. Lest I let the fruit rot on the vine, as my friend put it.

My body image issues are so out of whack and I feel very horrible in that arena... Luckily a good friend of mine who is beautiful and as it turns out has experience in this mire has lent an ear and friendly advice.

Also, I'm sure that this path I have found as a writer is more difficult and strange than I had ever imagined.......

That said I went on and did three personalized promos for Japanese Alice releases (my itty-bity virtual label which has released the great Pacific Blush debut and will soon release the even more amazing follow-up!)... hopefully they'll see what I see if not more........

"tiger mountain" calling...

October mixromix

2009-10-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

mixromix one

1. cold cell - coil
2. chinese song - nancy sit
3. leo, are you still jumping out of windows
---in expensive clothes? - my little airport
4. why do i feel - the shaggs
5. 好き好き大好き　- jun togawa
6. what grows - lotus plaza
7. straight to heaven - papaya paranoia
8. the bloodbells chime - current 93
9. white nights - psychic tv
10. lotus rain (live) - syzygys
11. maternity blue - ni-hao!
12. love and anger - kate bush
13. united - throbbing gristle
14. more than this - electrelane
15. spirit lake - coco rosie
16. あいがあふれる - nikaido kazumi

Jesus...

2009-10-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

(painting by Gerhard Richter)

Just finished revising, rewriting, rewriting my essay on Shin and it nearly killed me, or I nearly did. At least I got through the essay. I never, ever, want to have to write that or work like that again. Hopefully it will find a publisher. Solace calling...

'Eating Half A Lifetime'

2009-09-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

'Hospital Dreamin'

2009-09-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

From On Socialist Man

2009-09-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

May I remind you that Trotsky, for instance, speaks of three basic tragedies—hunger, sex, and death—besetting man. Hunger is the enemy that Marxism and the modern labor movement have taken on. In doing so they have naturally been inclined to ignore or belittle man’s other predicaments. But is it not true that hunger or, more broadly, social inequality and oppression, have hugely complicated and intensified for innumerable human beings the torments of sex and death as well?

In fighting against social inequality and oppression we fight also for the mitigation of those blows that nature inflicts on us….

Yes, socialist man will still be pursued by sex and death; but we are convinced that he will be better equipped than we are to cope even with these.

- Isaac Deutscher

From a speech delivered in New York in 1966, apparently. Thanks to Alan, of the purest of treats.

'a summer lost'

2009-09-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

'Bathtub Triumph'

2009-09-30T05:46:00.000-07:00

'Mostly Mozart'

2009-09-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

'Flat Summer'

2009-09-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

'Let's Do Laughter'

2009-09-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

'her life/timeline'

2009-09-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

From Europe Central

2009-09-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Behind the wall, rubberized black tentacles spread across Europe. Military maps depict them as fronts, trenches, salients and pincer movements. Politicians encode them as borders (destroyed, razed, utterly smashed). Administrators imagine that they're roads and rivers. Public health officials see them as the black trickles of people dwindling day by day on Leningrad's frozen streets. Poets know them as the veins of Partisan Zoya's martyred body. They're anything. They can do anything.

William T. Vollmann (photo via postpacific)

'Making Architects'

2009-09-29T05:59:00.001-07:00

How About An Actual Blog Post

2009-09-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I've had this blog for over four years and I don't think I've even done one actual blog-style post. So, here's a little start... Um, recorded three new Aiko Planetarium demos this morning, each shortish vocal and guitar songs. "Pocket" started out as a sort of calypso thing but ended up being very much like my other songs once recorded, no calypso. "Mia!" was a song I'd written maybe four years ago but had lost. Since I'm working on the second Aiko record now, and this song was originally on it, I was trying to find it but since I couldn't I rewrote it from my memory of its gist. A love song of sorts, or love-lorn rather. The last song, "Kvlt Boy", was inspired by this black metal mp3 blog I came across that had only lasted a handful of posts and died back in 2008. The poster seemed very sweet and well, inspired my song about a boy who quietly in his room is very troo and grim, but also polite and well... isolated and depressed? And.... before that I recorded a few ambient tracks, two I posted about here.

I'm also working on a gaggle of picture books I'd done but had left unfinished, some of these go back six years. The opening pic here is from the one I'm completing a dummy for. It's about a boy and his dad and, um, feelings. It's actually looking really good, which is exciting. As I go through and work on these books it's been surprising how much stuff I've done. I think I'll feel a lot healthier once I get it out there.

This summer I put on some weight which is really bothering me. Since I was little I've had serious body image issues and I just want to be skinny again. And I guess that ties into all of this, both renewed creativity and everything else. So, I was at Kinkos tonight doing some copying for the picture book and there was this really cute girl there, only as I was copying I overheard her talking on her cellphone as she was behind me slicing papers. She was saying something about having dropped off her kids. It struck me that even though she looked young to me she was probably my age. Yet, another weird dose of getting older. Afterwards I went to Barnes and Noble across the street to see if there were any interesting picture books on imprints I might want to query. There was a girl out front that totally dumbfounded me. She was writing at a little table, and had a little guitar case at her feet. I had to force myself to remember I was still driving. I parked so I would have to walk by her to go inside. That was sort of just her squirming and me trying not to spazz out. After finding two winners amongst a hundred or so picture books I made notes and, already feeling screwed up inside, started walking out... only to see that girl, well young woman, bent over. She stood up and we sort of smiled at each other. Her face seemed very different than the glance I had caught before and I tried to use that to distance myself from my interest in talking to her and how lousy I felt about not doing that which I tried to explain away as being from my current body image problems. But while driving away I did think that at least there are people out there who I would get along with better than my recent relationships... Once home I poured a gin and coke and had that and a smoke.

Money is a problem too, which may be why I'm trying to do all I can to get a writing career going somewhat, even if I really think that has more to do with trying to be honest with what I want, or something... For one, I don't imagine I'll make anything from the poems I'm submitting this week were they to be published. But, I'll feel a lot better about myself either way because I'll be on track. It's all so complicated though. And lately I've really been keeping a great distance between myself and most of my handful of friends. I even finally had the chance for a date with a girl I'd had a crush on for years but sort of realized it wasn't what I really wanted, weird. But, like going back and reconnecting with my music from years ago, and the stuff I'm doing now, as well as those picture books and my poetry now is this really huge thing for me, it connects to so many parts of my life that had sort of been, um swirling into nowhere?

Okay that felt sort of lame. But, there's so much more to say so maybe these will become more frequent than every four years?

'dawn owl'

2009-09-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

Another Aiko P. ambient missive posted this morning over at the Japanese Alice blog, this one is even shorter and more guitar oriented. Very good, though Panda? said I over think things too much whilst I was doing it.

'access temporary'

2009-09-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

(photo by Simen Johan via oh, lover)

This morning I posted a new little Aiko Planetairum ambient missive on Japanese Alice. It's not meant to be indicative of Aiko P.'s current direction or anything like that, just a little soothing noise when it was needed.

If you haven't checked it out yet the first Aiko Planetarium LP is still available to download and check out for free at the Japanese Alice catalog, here. So far I've heard really nice things from the few who have been interested.

Missing MySpace Moods

2009-09-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

abused
anorexic
dead
fasting
furious
ghostly
suicidal
unloved
unwanted
uptight
violent

"I'd Rather Be Planting Seeds"

2009-09-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, Charles Manson realized that while he hiked through the forests of California with his walking stick, that if he hollowed out that stick, he could put seeds inside of it, and thus be able to plant new life in the ground. Today, there are such devices available, called Seed Sticks. While this idea of his has been patented by others as a gardening tool, Charlie is working with friends to create his own functional Seed Stick. You can make your own Seed Stick with the directions below. As Charlie’s first love is ATWA, this Seed Stick is a way to redeem Earth.

via atwa interactive

Human Landscapes

2009-09-25T17:58:00.001-07:00

via a cell lab

Is this the end of zombie childhood?

2009-09-25T03:20:00.000-07:00

Finally beat, er... completed (?) ... 'A Link to the Past' (you have been Linked!)... This was the first game I got for the SNES as a seven year old but my mother was convinced on Christmas morning by our landlord's son that it was evil. So eventually she decided I couldn't have it. Though I had already fallen in love, of sorts, with it before that happened. So it loomed, liminally or something...

Nearly twenty years later I, with the help of my brother, beat it. It struck me that my obsessions with occult things a few years later may have been a direct result of the overreaction of that fellow (his name was Ran) and my mother's um, decision.

Tom Servo Plushes, Legos

2009-09-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

via ~silentorchid

(with Crow!) via Andrew Colunga

Rosebud (From a review of "To Mega Therion")

2009-09-25T00:13:00.001-07:00

The Citizen Kane of Extreme Metal Albums - 96% Written by blackthrash84 on July 26th, 2009

I'll admit right away I've yet to see the film Citizen Kane, but every way in which I've heard it described, praised and criticized - as well as it's historic significance - correlates perfectly to C.F.'s masterpiece full length. Long, boring, monotonous, excessive, innovative, original, unique, genre-defining, classic. These are all adjectives that come to mind when discussing either work. The only real difference lies in the scope of each piece's influence. But is influencing the entire extreme metal world really that far from influencing the entire world of film? I like to think not.

from metal-archives (read the rest there if you'd like)

I found the above... amusing? S. M. Jenkins wrote of the album,

"Metal Jousters"--a must-own!

WAIS...

2009-09-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

"If you want to count me, count me out"

2009-09-10T00:23:00.000-07:00

''Oh, the snot has caked against my pants,
--it has turned into crystal…''

Kiwi Something

2009-09-08T22:24:00.000-07:00

An operative from East Indian Tea approached me last night for travel, no bags. The shop sold dyed carnations. He had a pocket fakir passed down from his grandfather. Paternal side had the goods. It was a bicycle mechanic's Ecclesiastes, For every time there is a season, for every wheel a spoke. We moved fast and ate well, as well as we could from gift shops and lobbies. I gained weight like a parent's trust. Thunder thighs and seven inch hail cellulite. In every station fellow passers I might have loved. Two young women who liked to run. One of them did it all, she organized coffee hours and walked out of her tracksuit like a chrysanthemum petal falling on Tuesday.

This album put me in a special place tonight

2009-09-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

THOUGHTS OF A YOUNG GIRL

2009-09-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

-
“It is such a beautiful day I had to write you a letter
From the tower, and to show I'm not mad:
I only slipped on the cake of soap of the air
And drowned in the bathtub of the world.
You were too good to cry much over me.
And now I let you go. Signed, The Dwarf.”

I passed by late in the afternoon
And the smile still played about her lips
As it has for centuries. She always knows
How to be utterly delightful. Oh my daughter,
My sweetheart, daughter of my late employer, princess,
May you not be long on the way!

John Ashbery, 1962, from The Tennis Court Oath.

(the ha modeled as the ha-ha)

2009-08-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

-----------------------------------------------------------------I don't see too much humor in any of the knots in this thread, so might I remind you all that the red and white corpuscles are at constant battle with each other. The friends of these corpuscles live in the bloodstream and are making constant whoopie. Having tired of both the corpuscles and the friends of the corpuscles the blood in the bloodstream rushes down to the feet, gets a look at those feet and rushes right back up to the head. Seeing that the blood must contain itself it turns over and gets real cold. Once attaining a state of coldbloodedness the blood proceeds to mock red and white and even blue corpuscles by having an all American dinner in the middle of an all American house. After the blood has boiled, it simmers for two hours and begins to drag on and on and on. Sometimes it fragments. Itself. Some, times. And in the dead of night it waits silently as the March of the Corpuscles fills the stream and then it says to the corpuscles, Yonder comes the rush of even more blood, rushing rushing through the stream... perhaps you should go home. But, the corpuscles persist and establish a new nation within the bloodstream, where you and little Johnny can grow up happily and without any oppression. You'd like that, huh? Well, how do you think little Johnny feels? How do you think big Johnny feels? I bet he feels something too, probably we all do. Probably just gravity though.
------------------------------------------------------------

A second poem from Thoughts and Other Girdles (2001).
Images via jhpjapan.com and nature.com, respectively.

Thoughts and Other Girdles

2009-08-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

Well not exactly the most, but certainly the hairiest. Harried lakes. And Fred gone out for lunch. Huh, asked the bartender. Just tending my bar. Looks more like a post, you should stop and go home, spoke Joseph as he pulled out his crowbar. What are you doing, asked the bartender. Just tending my bar you riff raff, now beat it or I smash your post in. Its not very post like d od od od. Oki said smoki. Lots a friendly folk round here all in one place. all in one little place. dis is one tiny place for all these friendly people.

Title poem from my first chapbook, from 2001. Below are the front and back covers for the handmade edition.

You turned me around

2009-08-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

bizcarlito via ponyXpress

Map Ref 41°N 93°W

2009-08-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

Off my wall

2009-08-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

My friend Lynn and I drew this, it was a game.

From Comfort and Critique by Peter Sotos

2009-08-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Parents trust reject-magic. Especially. Maybe. When their children are hurt by something unfair and completely out of their control. They look for messages and bent reason and talk about bonds and clarifying connections. Purity. Love that is tangible. Electric. It has to be. And the superstitious shrimp that don't grab for something pathetic like god and nature are the sicknesses that sink back into themselves only to ask you later to excuse their repulsive frailty.

Tits, Drinks, Etc...

2009-08-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

To all my readers (Alan I'm lookin' at you!) I want to be a Marxist but I can't escape the economics. I know he had Jenny, or so I'm told via the English reader... I'm not part of the proletariat, I don't work at the moment, or in recent memory (at least when I did it was unpaid and one-on-one, ie tutoring, and before that at a becoming-shit video rental shop). But, my professors and instructors have told me I'm smart. I'm a great guy, I'm told. Even my teachers said so! Now that -or/-er contrast is important. Think of the difference in base praise, or interpretation, of a professor versus plumber. '-er' versus '-or'. Teacher versus instructor, the title has been fought over, I've seen this on a college campus. The problem comes to a bump, a hazard for the train of thought, at 'builder'. For what is an architect? An '-echt'?

So yes, I'm left feeling a smidge closer to being an anarchist. What is that '-ist'? I'd share it with a Marxist. No 'or' or 'er' in sight. Something to do with Latin I think. Emperor over teacher. God versus Made. Lowercase.

But tits, they were once a source of fun, as the Maels' song says. Perhaps I think of that more in the sense of heartbreak. But what is heartbreak but a symptom of a non-local culture? Oh, wait, not quantum physics, I mean: neo-locailty.

Yes, drink some more. Till you can't see anymore. I saw with marriage, in a neo-local culture, we are forced, if part of said culture, contemporary America (re: USA), to ask of one human what we would have asked prior (or in a different set-up) of a hundred people. Sad, sad, sadly I'm very used to this. We all are. We being those reading this, surely (or should I say: Shirley? Shirley if you're my type, email!).

I know I'm obsessed with Japanese women. To a lesser extant: Chinese women. I've dated them! Depressingly that's the least of this. There's this whole temple of light where a book sits on a pulpit, you can read about how other people can become representations of your desires, needs, that whole hole...

Anyway, you see, I can be one to group humans under titles too! I know that race is a cultural construct, I've learned it the hard way over and over, Marxism confronts this where?, and what can I say besides, "Are you familiar with the construction of race, specifically that of being 'white', in the United States 20th century historical period?" To which they can't help but not answer, surely.

I would not have been white a hundred years ago, most currently white people would be in the same boat (to Ellis island or San Francisco?).

So back to tits,

No! That is NOT what I wanted. Perhaps that is why I selected a picture where she covers her chest with her arms, plaid, flannel, balancing a gremlin on her head. It's all gremlins over here. Here or her? I was thinking of this model I have a crush on, though she is far too athletic, so then I was think, Rinko Kikuchi in 'Babel' yes a Japanese girl going for suicide topless. Gosh, I'm so predictable, an (for lack of a better term, again...) American film of all things! (Why not grab something from my infinite JAV archive you ask? You may go unanswered). But this is from a German magazine, I'm thinking... So, Kai I'm looking at you. Because your girlfriend is gorgeous, and a genius, and you're a genius, at least (forgive me), so help a friend out (if we're still friends!).

At least that pic only cuts off the woman's legs. That's something cultural anthropology taught me (hello Beth) that pictures are to be interrogated. Of course I'd read that before, but that class showed me what it meant in a real way. So if I displayed 'tits' I'd be cutting a girl into sixths, at least. Not that I've never gazed at guro.

Oh, that's not what I wanted help with. And this isn't calypso.

I'm just heartbroke drunk with a vague awareness of what he was born and aged into.

I'm nowhere near that athletic, if you saw her stomach. The girl I wasn't sincere enough wasn't either. But, of course, that didn't matter! I only thought, hoped (?), my subtexts were understood by her. Just as hers were by me, or so I thought. My brain recapitulates it, if last night was any gauge.

Marxism, help me out dear readers.

p.s.: i wasn't thinking so much of a the above model i have a crush on, or even rinko, so much as past t.a.'s who i saw either fall in love or get their hearts' broken (or both) by other 'white' males. er, or even at worst some one i let go by while i was in proxy love. sigh. surely regret is heard simply by the publishing of a post.

Go See The Aiko Planetarium LP

2009-08-12T01:11:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, for we are circles. Nine years, so many holes in the moon. May I present to you the debut by Aiko Planetarium, gift horsies I make myself. Songs, songs, songs. It has been a very singular trip, more so than simply strangely so. Oh, how crazy it has been! In all honesty, this is the thing I am happiest with so far.

Please, destroy, take its hand, that sort of thing. Enter the Aiko Planetarium, see the constelations! Join the Astro Navy, Hear the Americana Eskaton Army.

Love a bird, be a worm.

Etc.

Aiko Planetarium Lp

Faked UFOs for James Champagne (aka SYpHA_69)

2009-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

These are two photos I took back around 1994. They've always been favorites of mine. My best friend at the time helped.

Lion's Club

2009-08-10T04:43:00.000-07:00

I was doing something you didn't want me to and you were telling me that. Thinking I was being clever I said, I remember when I used to care what you think. But it didn't hurt you enough. Actually, it just seemed sort of funny.

The hangovers caught up with me but not as much as you shifted the past into arbitrariness. That was the worst. I imagined the cuts coming down on me, across my arms. Trying to go the other way, this time from funny to cruelty, I told myself things will get better. There's always tomorrow. The world is your oyster.

I can't say something that will hurt you enough. Cuts seem more appealing than obesity because cuts are judged more harshly. Stretch marks don't go away either but a cut can be on an otherwise attractive frame. It means you are hurting. Whereas a fat belly just means you eat too much and are fat. There's the pains of finding that my clothes are getting too small. I can't buy new ones. But, with cuts I can do so much worse.

Both help in one way though, they both affirm how stupid the world is out of the judgment they bring. You're fat, you cut. Or you combine. Let's be positive. Finally, I stopped doing something you didn't want me to do. You kept doing what I didn't want you to do. I kept doing what I didn't want to do too.

Japanese Alice First Release: PACIFIC BLUSH!

2009-06-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

Stop Press! Cancel Flights!
Call in Sick! Fluff the Pillow!
Drain the Tub!
Roll Your Socks Together!

YES!! It's the inaugural release from Japanese Alice, the tiny virtual label of Matt and I. And, BOY! It's a killer. Please go there and check it out, download and rock this awesome wave that will have your cheeks turning red across the Atlantic.

Really, it's a wonderful album.

Floating World, Floating Uterus

2009-06-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

The idea of a floating uterus, a wandering womb, goes back to Egypt. Even the supposed great thinking Plato wrote about it, it could even kill.

Ukiyo-e print via noisedup

5. hysteria

once termed to be a disorder of only women (thus the root words being hyster, as it was originally thought that the uterus was a free floating object in a woman's body, and when lost would cause her to be hysterical), the original cure was for the doctor to masturbate the woman.

via urbandictionary.

Thus also the term 'hysterectomy'. Why hasn't that been renamed? Answer: lack of medical naming activism.

See also the short film 'Hysterica & the Wandering Womb...'

bluebird's box iii

2009-06-19T04:03:00.000-07:00

WOOL 100%

2009-06-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

Lesson: アミナオシ (knit-again)

Screen via Mai Tominaga's Wool 100%